Cunning linguist
This formed the basis of a creative writing assignment, "Writing the Sex Poem," given to students at Penn State Erie in spring 2003. It was in Short Fuse, a global anthology published by Rattapallax Press of New York in 2002, and in the collection Bald Ambition.
Well, I used to be ever such a lonely boy,
Till a lovely lady took me by the arm
And told me I was virtually the only boy
With this special brand of individual charm.
There ain’t nothing my phonetic apparatus
Can’t wriggle through and worm its way around,
And while most men flee en masse
From the language learning class,
Well, it’s just about my home ground.
Cause I’m a palate and larynx and lung man –
Said I’m a tongue man.
From alveolar to labio-dental,
I’m oh so gentle
Yet elemental.
Well, she went and told her friends – all charming, bubbly girls –
And before I could remember my own name,
All the dark-haired girls, the blond girls and the stubbly girls
Were testing out my modest claim to fame.
I’ve refined the art of fine articulation
And I always get the end agreements right.
No, the lesson’s never drab
When I’m in the language lab
Cause I know just how to lick, squeeze, bite.
Cause I’m a palate and larynx and lung man –
Said I’m a tongue man.
I’ve got more time for it than ordinary men, dear.
Just tell me when, dear.
And come again, dear.
Well, I met a girl of stunning capability
Who was anxious to display her oral skill.
Well, her organs had the requisite agility
But she couldn’t really rival Mr. Hill.
I said "I know you’re only trying to impress me.
If I interrupt you, don’t take it amiss."
I said "not every girl enjoys
Molding post-pulmonic noise
But I blow blat you blike it blike bliss ..."
Cause I’m a palate and larynx and lung man –
Said I’m a tongue man.
I’m not some famous, exotic, far-flung man:
I’m just a young man,
A small, unsung man –
But I’m the tongue man!
