The Misanthrope (beginning of Act 1)
Philinte: But what's the matter?
Alceste: Go away!
Philinte: But can't we talk?
Alceste: Get lost, I say!
Philinte: Before you get so cross, please hear me.
Alceste: I've heard enough. Now don't come near me!
Philinte: These moods! I'll never comprehend.
To be quite frank, since you're my friend ...
Alceste: Your friend? I hereby quit that post.
Your friend? A thing I used to boast.
But after this, it's all forgotten.
I've no place in a heart that's rotten.
Philinte: Alceste, am I so much to blame?
Alceste: Philinte, you ought to die from shame.
You give some guy a cute oration,
swear friendship, lifelong admiration,
then, when I ask "who was that prat?"
you answer "how should I know that?"
In people's absence, you disown them.
Your soul, your pride - you freely loan them.
If I committed such a thing,
I'd hang myself right up and swing.
Philinte: Well, could you let me off that toll?
It seems a lot to pay.
Alceste: Most droll.
Philinte: But seriously - what should I do?
Alceste: Be honest. Only say what's true,
what's in your heart.
Philinte: But it's a trade -
all compliments must be repaid.
Alceste: I loathe this modern, high-class trend
of calling everybody friend,
of dishing out exalted words
to worthy people and to turds.
A proper-minded person pays
no heed to prostituted praise.
If everyone's your friend, guess what?
Nobody is! I know I'm not.
Philinte: But there are times when speaking plain
is risible, or could cause pain.
Should I tell Dorinas straight up
how deeply I detest him?
Alceste: Yup.
Philinte: And tell Emilia, that grande dame,
She's mutton dressed as frigging lamb?
Alceste: Just so.
Philinte: You're kidding.
Alceste: No I'm not.
No one's excepted. Screw the lot.
The world's gone mad. My eyes bleed from it.
Each thing I see just makes me vomit.
Injustice, greed, conniving, lechery,
concealed ambition, open treachery.
I've had enough. I turn my face.
It's me against the human race.
Philinte: Oh, we're the oddest pair on earth!
So different, yet best friends since birth.
We have the same debates each day.
Reminds me of that classic play ...
Alceste: Leave out the clever-ass quotations.
Philinte: Then quit your stupid affectations.
You'll never change the world that way.
You want frank talk? I'll frankly say
it's time you went to see a shrink.
You're sick or mad - that's what folks think.
Alceste: I'm glad! I'd hate to be called wise
by all the people I despise.
Philinte: You loathe mankind itself, then, hey?
Alceste: Yes. More and more each passing day.
Philinte: No special cases you recall?
Alceste: No. I hate people, one and all.
Some do foul deeds - that's why I hate them.
The rest - because they tolerate them.
Observe my court case. Take a look.
My enemy's a well-known crook.
But he's received, he wins the day,
he always seems to get his way.
God! How I suffer from these scars!
I sometimes wish I lived on Mars!
Philinte: It's no use being quite so strict.
These old-style moral laws conflict
with our less perfect, laid-back age.
I see its faults, but I don't rage.
I take what comes, both good and bad.
Alceste: Could nothing make you really mad?
If someone from among your friends
betrayed you for his selfish ends?
If you were damaged by some rumour?
You'd take it all in calm good humour?
Philinte: Yes. That's just how mankind is made.
It makes me feel no more dismayed
than seeing vultures eat red meat,
wolves hunt for prey, or monkeys cheat.
Alceste: So should I just put up with crime?
Oh, all this talk's a waste of time.
Philinte: Yes, take care of your trial instead.
Alceste: No, everything's been done and said.
Philinte: Will someone speak in your defence?
Alceste: Yes. Justice, law and plain good sense.
Philinte: You haven't bribed a judge or two?
Alceste: Why, don't you think my case is true?
Philinte: You could help things to move along.
Alceste: I won't. I'm either right or wrong.
Philinte: Your enemy has lots of clout
to steer the way the case turns out.
Alceste: Who cares?
Philinte: You're kidding.
Alceste: Let it be.
Philinte: But if ...
Alceste: I lose?
Philinte: What then?
Alceste: I'll see
that men are now so base and vile,
they'll openly pervert a trial.
Philinte: You're mad.
Alceste: Whatever it may cost,
I'll cheer if this whole case is lost.
Philinte: You'll make yourself a laughing stock.
Alceste: So much the worse for those who mock.
Philinte: But does your Célimène behave
with that pure virtue that you crave?
No - she's as phoney as these times,
yet somehow you accept her crimes.
Meanwhile, sweet Éliante admires you;
the prude Arsinoé desires you;
so why, of all potential lovers,
choose Célimène? Do charming covers
excuse the lies that lie below them?
Are her faults fine? Or don't you know them?
